For those of you playing along at home, that picture above is a still from surveillance footage of then-Washington, D.C., mayor Marion Barry smoking crack. This little mishap is also responsible for the single most memorable quote of his political career: “Bitch set me up.”
So, you could imagine my joy when I learned that I could be that bitch, but it would have been, “bitch posted up.”
A couple of weeks ago, one of my co-workers asked me if I wanted to play in a charity basketball game that would be D.C. media types against the city council. I jumped at this chance. Why? Because despite his shady previous dealings, Marion Barry’s still a D.C. city councilman for the Eighth Ward. This … was my chance. This was MY chance to stuff a living legend as he went to the hoop. Nevermind I’m probably a few inches taller than he is. Never mind that he’s got, oh, almost 40 years on me. This was my time in the spotlight. A story to tell my kids.
“Yeah, back in 2009, Marion Barry cut left toward the basket and your Mom here threw up an arm and blocked his shot.”
Oh, but no. No, Jacque. Your chance to stuff Marion Barry is gone, relegating you to another event in your life that’s marked with the word, “almost.”
GAH!! Not paying taxes? Really? You forgot. That’s cool. I did once, too. Oh, wait. You forgot eight times? Woof. Yeah, that’s not going to be easy to get out of quickly. You’re probably hosed. This time, the 1040 set you up. Bad.
I’ll keep you posted in case someone springs him from the pokey and the dream comes back to life. But for now, I just have to stare up at the ceiling and think about the almost.