As promised, and brought to you by the power of BlackBerry, here’s a look at my morning trip into Washington, D.C., via Metro rail, Inauguration Day 2009.
“The following events take place between almost 6 a.m. and 7 a.m. … “
5:47 a.m.: WTOP reports that the Greenbelt lot is closed. Left the apartment at 5:30. Still at least two miles from the station. Apparently, this isn’t a WTOP crowd because nobody’s bailing out.
5:57 a.m.: Bailout on Greenbelt. Head to College Park.
“It’s 6 o’clock.” Yes. I know, WTOP. I know.
6:23 a.m.: On a downtown bound train after only a two minute wait at the College Park platform. A blonde girl in her black-sequined beret asks female traveling companion if “this hat is too black?” This tells me a lot about today. A lot. Middle-aged white guy tells crowd he’s with about his extensive time in Afghanistan on a peace mission and then says, “We’re going to right a lot of wrongs today.” Yes, Mr. Hip and Trendy Do-Gooder. This inauguration totally fixes both that awful, awful period of slavery before the Civil War and the 1960s. Ass. I absolutely hate this person and I don’t even know him.
6:36 a.m.: Aboard a Red delayed at Fort Totten for a “malfuntioning train” at Brookland (Read some touron got a kid or an arm stuck in the door and now they have to offload the train.). I’ve been pushed out of any way to hold on to anything so I am just going to fall on people for a “teaching moment.”
6:42 a.m.: Finally moving. I have severe, lingering dread about the next few stops, especially because of the pissed off offloaded people at Brookland.
6:47 a.m.: Dear Connecticut High School kids — wait for the next effing train. It’s painfully obvious this one is at 600 percent capacity.
6:48 a.m.: Dear Tourons — Let me help you out: THERE IS NO MORE ROOM ON THIS F@*KING TRAIN. DO NOT EVEN TRY IT. YOU BREAK THESE DOORS, I WILL GET ARRESTED BEATING YOU SENSELESS ON THE PLATFORM. That is all.
6:51 a.m.: I no longer have to hold on to anything because I am sandwiched between so many idiots who thought packing 400 people onto a single Metro card was a good idea. A woman in a fuzzy hat looks at me and says, “Cheer up! We’re all here for the same reason!” I said “I’m a McCain voter and I’m just trying to get to work.”
6:59 a.m.: Train practically empties by the time I get to Metro Center for people to catch Orange/Blue. I am opting to stay Red and hit Farragut North and some breakfast on the way. Mmm. Bacon.
7:03 a.m. Farragut North: Finally off that disaster. And PETA protestors to boot!! People in furry bunny costumes. Suddenly craving sausage.