can someone translate?

I found this letter to the publisher on PutnamLive.com, which is one of my favorite Web sites in the world. It’s based in Hurricane, W.Va., and published by a guy who routinely inserts snide, pointless commentary into his pee-your-pants funny “news” stories (namely against his political “enemies” or anyone he feels has wronged him, and it appears, well, that EVERYBODY has wronged him). It’s not really credible. It’s more entertaining than anything. If you’re in need of a pick-me-up, I highly recommend his questionably-mentally-stable blog about how the city built a Wal-Mart next to his house. (My favorite passage ever is this: A note to politicians: The next time I am awakened at 3:33 a.m. I will consider CALLING YOU TO EXERCISE MY FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS TO REDRESS MY GOVERNMENT FOR GRIEVANCES… And the First Amendment doesn’t preclude a call at 3:33 a.m. If you continue to allow my family to be disrupted at 3:33 a.m., I will consider calling you THEN and complain. If you don’t like that, at least I am warning you IN WRITING, IN ADVANCE!)

Whaaa? My Constitution must be broken.

(Note to publisher in case you see this and get some bright idea to try to sue me: I have two cats, a busted up Toyota Camry and some broken lawn furniture. That’s about all you’d get out of me. It wouldn’t be worth your time. It isn’t like I’ve got thousands of readers. And, hey, it’s you who puts it out there for the world to read, right?)

So, I saw this letter to the publisher about the mayor of Hurricane, who is one of the publisher’s “enemies” so naturally, it gets published without any efforts to try to track down the mayor’s side. However, because of the absolute trainwreck of spelling and grammar, I can’t really figure out what she’s saying. I turn to you …

Hurricane Mayor Scott Edwards Is A Disgrace
I am ashamed to say that he calls himself the mayor, what a disgrace. This man came flying around the front of Arby’s trying to beat me to the drive thru and came to close for comfort, if I had not slammed on the break, we would have not been so lucky, Saturday Oct. 18th afternoon. I paid no more attention to the idiot until he whipped around the other car that just placed his order and parked caddie corner in front of him. The elderly gentlemen honked his horn (in his head to say move on or what are you doing) But this rude and crude and not so big as he thinks man jumps out of his black shiny Suburban all red face and shouting to this elderly gentlemen who was the driver he jump in front of asking him to step out of the car for a fight, HE WAS THE MAYOR, he said proudly, come on get out here let’s fight. The younger gentlemen that was a passenger stepped out, face to face, nose to nose the big brave mayor only continue to shout, “I’m the mayor, I can have you arrested, You want me to call the cops, I’m the mayor you know, I can do that.” The younger gentleman just stood there face to face saying “Come on, go ahead.”

I was so ashamed of that man being our mayor, I stuck my head out the window and said “If you call the cops on him you better call the cops on me, because you are a disgrace to the city, and you should be ashamed.” All I got was a dirty look.

His wife started howling for him to get back in the car, but he paid no attention to her either, imagine that! Finally his wife hopped out of the vehicle and continually tried to coax him back in the vehicle, which she did succeed.

All this turned out to be was that Arby’s left a few things out of his order. Wow that happens all the time to people, the best thing to do is to park the car walk inside and say excuse me but……… I can’t even imagine what he did or say to that poor young girl at the drive thru.

I’ve been told after telling this story to a few people I know, I have come to find out he’s done this quite a few times at other places. This needs to be published for all to see and then maybe he’ll change his way or best yet he needs to be put out of that position.

Tara Hicks

My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.


14 Responses to “can someone translate?”

  1. 1 Economic Friction
    October 27, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    Are you trying to get a 3:33 AM call from this dude? Rest assured, as someone who has dodged his calls in the past, he is a half-bubble off upstairs and has plenty of free time to devote. By “freelancer” he usually means unemployed.

  2. 2 girlofwords
    October 27, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    You know, the psych minor in me would love to spend an hour on the phone with this guy dissecting him. His blog tells story after story after story of chasing these public officials down in stores, public events, etc. I’m fascinated. I can’t imagine this.

    I’ve had lots of people tell me (who still dodge his calls back home) that he’s clearly a McNugget short of a six-piece. So much so that the lawyers for some defendant in a lawsuit he filed has requested he and his wife submit to mental evaluations. (That’s in his blog, so I’m not saying anything that’s not out there for everybody.) He says it’s harassment. I say it’s them saying, “We’re just sayin’.”

  3. October 27, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    Oh go-dub now you’re at my heart. This guy is exactly who I deal with on a regular basis… You know you’ve hit bottom when an injury attorney from a lawyer mill won’t take your case. 😉
    And love the Ferris Reference.

  4. 4 Economic Friction
    October 27, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    Erin…..my favourite thing is when Elk & Elk levitate above every county court house in Ohio on the back of local phone books.

  5. 5 girlofwords
    October 27, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    I always loved the magnets on the Verizon phone books. We’d plaster desks with them at work.

  6. October 27, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    Eco-friction- aww Elk and Elk- And the funniest thing is they are the easiest to do business with. It’s like a well-oiled machine and what’s absolutely hilarious is that I NEVER speak to the attorney unless it’s a real case. All negotiations are communicated through some poor paralegal who is given authority up to some amount. If I fall somewhere in their range on my 1st offer, I’m done. So yeah, while you see the commercials with them standing in law libraries with the US flag in the backround looking all judicial, they fail to mention your case will be handled by a paralegal 95% of the time, and the attorney has never read your case file. You just gave them 33% of your settlement and all they did was gather your med records (from some injury/rehab place) and put in a nice binder for me to review…

  7. October 27, 2008 at 7:52 pm

    Hurricane has a mayor?

  8. 8 girlofwords
    October 27, 2008 at 8:13 pm

    Apparently a bad one!

  9. 9 Economic Friction
    October 29, 2008 at 2:20 am

    Elk & Elk is only awesome because they buy every phone book cover and have their, frankly, pretty unattractive legal team supered over scenics of each county’s CH. It is impossible for me or any of my lawyer pals to imagine anyone from that firm physically being in the Perry/Morgan/Meigs/Monroe County Courthouse or any of Ohio’s other third world counties. Just want to know where they sourced the 88 court house photos. Does Ohio cap trial lawyer shares to 33% plus expenses in most civil stuff?

  10. October 29, 2008 at 8:30 am

    If you really want to get annoyed, google Elk and Elk- they have webcasts out there in which old Art and his brother talk about starting the firm and their core philosophy.
    They do have a “trial” division that is set apart from their normal bread/butter ambulance chasers, and they’ve recently started filing suit and proceeding forward with litigation more frequently than they have in the past. However, this is more common in Ohio’s “non-3rd world” counties like cuyahoga, Geauga, etc.
    33% is the standard norm, though some will cut their fees (rarely.) I believe this is the cap, as I never heard of anything more, but don’t quote me on that. 😉

  11. October 29, 2008 at 7:40 pm

    So is Elk & Elk the most chuckle worthy name for a law firm up there?

    Down here, we have Allen, Allen, Allen & Allen. No shit.

  12. October 30, 2008 at 8:35 am

    We have a few: Zuzulo, Zuzulo, Zuzulo & Zuzulo (With a family crest-like insignia with 4 “Z’s” and there is an attorney with his own practice, Joseph T. Joseph. Seriously, who names their kid Joseph Joseph?

  13. 13 Economic Friction
    October 30, 2008 at 1:04 pm

    Elk & Elk isn’t funny……just pervasive. They also sponsor large chunks of both the Reds and Indians pre/post-game TV shows. But Ohio’s trial bar ads are far tamer than ones in WV where some esteemed member of the bar rides a donkey and then morphs a car wreck into a check (“Hey, that rhymes…..”).

    Having now seen tort bar “Heavy Hitter” commercials in both the Charleston & Louisville markets, are we getting those anywhere else? Is the “Heavy Hitter” in your town uber-fat like the one in Louisville?

  14. 14 girlofwords
    October 30, 2008 at 1:19 pm

    Heavy Hitter? Like Danny Cline?

    Danny Cline’s the way to go … call 3-4-4-5-9-9-0!!

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