echoes, silence, patience and grace

(I’m listening to the Foo Fighters right now and it seemed an appropriate post title … bear with me.)

I found a charger today for my iPod. I haven’t listened to my iPod since I lived in West Virginia. When I cleaned out my old desk at my old job, I’m pretty sure I lost it or left it behind, so really, kids back home — enjoy Mommy’s charger. I got one, and now my iPod is charging and when I leave here in another, oh seven hours, I’ll have music to listen to on the way home. Finally. Finally it’s all coming together. No more train silence.

So, speaking of silence … here’s a visual representation of me at work lately:

Don’t get me wrong — it beats doing nothing. But in case people were concerned, I’ve just not had time to devote to this during the day. Last week I was trying to get everything done so I could be in West Virginia Friday. This week, I’m catching up with what I missed.

West Virginia was a great time. I saw so many people I miss. I wish I could have been there longer, but I had to get up to Wheeling to see my Dad because I’m staying in Maryland for a few weeks. I just need to stay here. I need to get used to what it’s like to be here. In a few weeks, maybe longer, we’ll welcome my Dad home. A place we never thought he’d see again, really. I can’t believe it’s been three months. At first, they told us he might not even wake up for three months. They told us it could be a year before he spoke. Even longer before he could come home. Ah, predictions. He showed you. Man’s a fighter. I see it every time I see him.

In other news, I can’t believe how many e-mails (or MySpace/Facebook messages) from people who’d never heard the show and listened in Sunday night. Not only listened, but told me how much they loved it. And how hard they laughed at various segments. I haven’t seen e-mail like this since I started this fiasco back in March 2007. It was really encouraging. Sometimes, you wonder if people are out there. After I put up the post for people to listen Sunday, I had 15 people on my page (I saw it through Meebo) at one point. It felt good to see it happen again. I don’t know if it’s that everybody was home and sick of the Olympics or what, but I do hope that if you’re someone who came last week you come again and leave a message so I know you’re listening.

But overall, I’m having a hard time with a few parts of it right now — mostly being that no matter which direction it goes, someone’s not happy. That just leads to apathy on my part, and it could just tie to that I’m exhausted in every sense of the word, but when I’m not having any fun, it could be time to just walk away from it for a bit.

That’s not to say I don’t have fun in parts of it. I’ve laughed hard a few times. But some weeks it’s your fill-in letting you down and forcing a replay, some weeks your co-host’s computer won’t work and he won’t admit it’s his problem so your show is filled with technical glitches, sometimes your co-host shows up and doesn’t care about the stuff you picked but didn’t offer you any alternatives, sometimes people just plain don’t like your co-host. It feels really no-win at times and I’m just trying to have fun.

But I digress. Again, I’d like to attribute it to being worn out. I was reading the Lifestyle/Feature wire at work and there was an article on there about fatigue and how it can really do a number on your life. I’ve been living with chronic fatigue for about 10 years now and I manage it pretty well, but sometimes, I just need to unplug and do nothing but lay around and NOT think. I’ve been through more in 90 days than most people get in months. That I haven’t knocked over a 7-Eleven yet is remarkable.

I did research some Pilates classes downtown, though. That’ll be nice if I can work one of those into the schedule.

So, now you’re up-to-date for the most part with me. Now that I’m reasonably caught up, I’ll try to update a little more. A no-major-travel-on-the-horizon forecast is so refreshing.


6 Responses to “echoes, silence, patience and grace”

  1. August 26, 2008 at 4:35 pm

    JJ- You know how I feel about remembering to make yourself a priority! My heart hurts for you b/c I know exactly what it feels like to be tugged in so many directions. Trust me on this, if you don’t take some time for yourself, your body will give out and FORCE you to do so. This is not fun. Take a saturday, visit a museum, walk around the city, try a funky restaurant. Hell, go to Barnes/noble and catch up on celebrity gossip by reading US weekly, People etc for all I care… it’ll do you some good- I promise. πŸ˜‰

  2. 2 girlofwords
    August 26, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    I know you understand. You’re good like that. πŸ™‚ Maybe I really should take this Saturday and go buy a buttload of celebrity magazines and sit by the pool at my apartment complex. My apartment complex has a pool. Seriously! I’ve never used it, but I pay for it, so I should!

  3. 3 Paige
    August 26, 2008 at 8:17 pm

    Regarding the fatigue, you should give FRS products a try. I promise you, they really do work. They even worked for Will, and I’ve never seen anyone more exhausted than him. http://www.frs.com/ You can get some of their product line at GNC now, if you were just interested in testing it out. This stuff gets me through my day better than caffeine ever could.

  4. 4 Ann
    August 26, 2008 at 9:42 pm

    I think those of us who love you will love to see you love yourself.
    Sounds dirty, huh? πŸ™‚

  5. 5 girlofwords
    August 28, 2008 at 11:17 am

    I can always count on you, Sweet Ann. πŸ™‚

  6. August 28, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    Dirty is what we came for πŸ™‚


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