15
Jul
08

Sometimes, they write themselves

It all started here ...

It all started here ...

Me: god my belly hurts because it’s so funny to me to dress the animals
Me: hahahahaha
Me: i’ve become what i hate
Paige: haha
Paige: you totally have
Me: i hang my head
Paige: you should!
Paige: you’re a 45 year old housewife from fond-du-lac, wisconsin.
Paige: next thing you know, you’ll be on the metro, wearing crocs
Paige: and carrying a PBS tote bag
Me: OH GOD KILL ME NOW!!
Paige: wearing mom jeans
Paige: with the 11 inch zipper
Paige: and pleats, for comfort
Paige: elasti-waist
Me: noooooooooooooooo
Paige: you will, of course, be wearing a sweater with cat appliques
Paige: and a whimsical thought bubble from a sleeping cat that says “I’m purrrrrrrrrrrfect!”
Me: i. am. crying.
Me: hahahahahahahahaha

Paige: did I mention you crochet on the metro?
Paige: you’d like to be able to knit, but metro police told confiscated your needles during rush hour.
Paige: they detained you for 4 hours of questioning
Paige: and then released you to the custody of your husband, a long haul teamster named Carl.
Me: IT HURTS!!!!
Paige: lol
Me: I’m so putting this on my blog.
Paige: you don’t blog, Vivian
Paige: you only go online to find limited edition beanie babies on eBay.
Paige: Carl is going to take away your debit card.
Me: it’s true!!!
Paige: of course, to make up for the emotional hurt of your detainment by metro police, he’s going to buy you that special olympics 08 beanie you’ve had your eye on, and take you to Shoney’s for a nice all-you-care-to-eat buffet.
Paige: did I mention the special olympics beanie has a large head?
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: OK. It’s like 10:30. Grandma needs to go to bed!!
Me: OH GOD IT’S ALREADY STARTING!!!!
Paige: you appreciate the diversity it adds to your collection. you will put it next to Darfur beanie and project (red) beanie.
Paige: g’night, Gramma!
Paige: no stripping, you hear?
Me: I’ll behave so I don’t get my bridge club privileges revoked.
Paige: haha
Paige: canasta
Me: hahahahaha
Paige: no VFW bingo for you this week, young lady
Me: dammit!!!
Paige: night. đŸ™‚

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6 Responses to “Sometimes, they write themselves”


  1. 1 Economic Friction
    July 15, 2008 at 11:52 pm

    I honestly believe she is trying to peg you as parroting the life of The Onion’s Jean Teasdale……except she can’t remember that Jean’s husband’s name is Rick. Fashion Insect, indeed.

  2. July 16, 2008 at 6:51 am

    I need to rename this blog “A blog of Vivian’s Own.”

    Ah, Rick.

    There’s a blog on the Wheeling newspaper’s Web site that we call “A Desk of Jean’s Own” for that reason.

  3. 3 Paige
    July 16, 2008 at 4:27 pm

    Nah, I don’t think Jean would have the cojones to ride the metro daily. And, Vivian’s self-esteem is MUCH higher.

  4. July 16, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    Poor Jean.

    Though I may join a duckpin bowling league. Would that make me Teasdale-like?

  5. 5 Paige
    July 16, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    Nope, that requires both self-esteem and a bit of skill. That’s why you’re Vivian. :p

  6. July 16, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    I’m tellin’ you, duckpin bowling is NOWHERE near as easy as it looks, though I find it oddly fun. It’s a huge challenge to throw an oversized skee-ball down a greased-up lane toward a bunch of wee pins.


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