My quasi-identity crisis

Identity Crisis

Yesterday, some of you got an e-mail that I’d started a new blog.

And I had a good reason. I just didn’t feel like “me” anymore. I’m in a new city, a new job, a new life, new schedule. I felt like the Jacque Jo that lived and breathed in Charleston was a distant memory.

And the two posts I put up, which you can read here, felt pretty good when I put them up, but then the more I thought about it, the more I thought, “blah.”

No matter what the scenery is (and for me, right now, the scenery is Ruby Memorial Hospital, Room 954), I’m still Jacque. I’m saving the other blog — those of you that have been with me for a long time know my radio show used to be called “The Show That Never Ends” and I want to keep the site in case I need it down the road.

But maybe the “identity” crisis is just a surface issue of a deeper swirl inside — an unsettled feeling, if you will. Here’s a crash course for those of you just tuning in:

I moved, which was a full-scale disaster from a technical standpoint. Two days later, I started my new high-demand job (that I absolutely love and feel fulfilled and challenged and what I should feel). Four days after that, my family’s life got turned upside down when my Dad went down with a spontaneous massive brain hemorrhage. Since that 7 a.m. phone call from my sister, I’ve spent 50 hours or so a week working in DC and spending weekends in West Virginia. I’ve not had a single weekend in Washington to sit around, see and do things we read about, do laundry — you name it.

Now, I’m not bitching that the man got sick — I’m here for my father because I love my father and I get so moved and thrilled when I see the amazing progress he’s made in four weeks. Two weeks ago, we thought we were going to lose him. Today, we watched him laugh when I said my sister’s house that she’s building looks like a Pizza Hut.

I’ve not had the time to make new friends outside of office friends. We’ve only had a couple of nights (including last night’s Duckpin Bowling adventure, but more on that later) to actually do real, normal, average “couple” things like going out to dinner or see a movie. I’m tired as hell when I come home and then I’m gone all weekend.

It was difficult to do it, but I decided that I wouldn’t be coming to West Virginia for July 4. We’re going to spend it with oh, a couple million of our closest friends down on the National Mall. We’re going to do all of the stupid, touristy things we want to that day and spend the night watching the biggest fireworks display in the country.

And I shouldn’t feel bad — I had a good friend remind me that I shouldn’t feel bad. She reminded me that I’ve exceeded anything that a normal situation would have expected out of me and then some. I tend to shoulder more than my share of responsibility for anything and I’ve done that as much as I can with my Dad’s illness. Every weekend driving to Morgantown to be at his bedside is as much as anybody could have asked out of me from Washington.

So, what’s the purpose of getting it all off my chest? It’s what a blog’s for, right? And I’ve had so many people tell me they miss my blog and they miss me. I miss everybody a lot, too. If I haven’t called you or written you back yet, it’s because I’ve been trying to adjust to a world I can’t control right now, but I’ve got nothing but love for you.

And as for the blog identity crisis, Jacque Jo’s going to stick with this one because after sleeping on it, it’s what feels right.


5 Responses to “My quasi-identity crisis”

  1. June 29, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    Jacque, I have been in your shoes, and I marvel at how similar we are in how we handle things. It is in my experience that you’ve got to do what’s right for you. If you feel called to stay in DC– by all means stay there. If you need to be visiting your dad- high-tail it back to WV. You are of no use when you start doing/acting/handling things differently because it was what your friends/family etc think you should do. Don’t forget to think about yourself and your needs as well. You’re going through a major life change, and while I’m sure this is incredibly hard for your dad and family, it’s also hard for YOU too.– don’t forget you are affected by this as well. My thoughts continue to be with you.

  2. June 29, 2008 at 8:56 pm

    Thank you so much, Erin. I need to see things like this because I often do things out of obligation and not because it’s best for me. And I don’t often feel like I’m useful if I’m zombied out. And for about four weeks, I’ve been zombied out. πŸ™‚

  3. June 30, 2008 at 9:33 am

    Hey, don’t know the zombie life; those guys know how to party πŸ™‚ But it sounds like things are starting to settle down into more normality, which under the circumstances is incredible, so I hope things will continue in that direction. This newly-minted citizen will be spending the Fourth in Minneappolis; if you’d like, I could go to Mary Tyler Moore corner and toss a beret in the air, because “you’re gonna make it after all” πŸ™‚


  4. July 3, 2008 at 5:52 pm

    consider your new address linked.

  5. July 3, 2008 at 5:58 pm

    You’re a good, good man, P. πŸ™‚ Miss you tons.

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