Thanks, douchebag rednecks


OK, to be honest with you, I don’t know at whom I’m angrier.

The rednecks in this story or the elitist douchebag media that interviewed them.

West Virginia Keeps Its Distance from Obama

I think rednecks are in the lead because of these quotes:

“I heard that Obama is a Muslim and his wife’s an atheist,” said Mr Simpson, drawing on a cigarette outside the fire station in Williamson, a coalmining town of 3,400 people surrounded by lush wooded hillsides.

(Oh, well played, sir. Well played. I also heard that he eats babies and kittens and flosses with the intestines of puppies, but you left that out. Crap!)

Josh Fry, a 24-year-old ambulance driver from Williamson, insisted he was not racist but said he would feel more comfortable with Mr McCain, the 71-year-old Vietnam war hero, in the White House. “I want someone who is a full-blooded American as president,” he said.

(… What? You’re looking to make Squanto president? ‘Cause last I checked, unless you’re a Native American, none of us, really, are full-blooded American, right? Maybe I’m confused. I know that I hate the French. I’d not be for the French-American candidate.)

Here’s a little public service announcement for any readers who aren’t from West Virginia: These critters DO NOT speak for the rest of us.

Here’s a little note to elitist douchebag national media: STOP exploiting the critters. You wouldn’t have gotten ANY answers like that if you’d gone to Charleston, Huntington, Morgantown, Wheeling … you get the point. You got those answers because you went looking for them. You found remote places with uneducated, backwards people and asked them if they’d vote for a woman or a black man.

AUGH. Really. Not enough duct tape. Not enough duct tape for today. The pieces of my head are coming apart. And tomorrow, when Hillary whips the ever-living crap out of Obama here, every talking head on cable TV will point out how we’re all a bunch of backwoods racists. West Virginia hates the black man! Clearly! We talked to voters. They hate Muslims, too.

It’s a miracle any of us get anywhere with stuff like this happening … if it’s not a fake degree getting handed out, it’s Jim Bob at the Clip n’ Cut spitting his Red Man on the ground and saying he doesn’t trust the black man because he’s not American.

Thanks, guys. Thanks a whole hell of a lot.


17 Responses to “Thanks, douchebag rednecks”

  1. 1 Ann
    May 12, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    The nail on the head – they got those answers because they went looking for them.
    … sigh …

  2. 2 Shannon
    May 12, 2008 at 4:43 pm

    You’ll find peace away from that soon enough. But everyone has their favorite people that the media loves to talk to.

  3. May 12, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    >What? You’re looking to make Squanto president? ‘Cause last I checked, unless you’re a Native American, none of us, really, are full-blooded American, right?

    The funny thing is, the Senate just recently had to vote to decide if John McCain is a “natural born” American, since he was born in the Panama Canal zone. But it was U.S. administered at the time, so the Senate decided their boy was good to go…

    >West Virginia hates the black man! Clearly!

    I can state categorically that WV loves the black man. Clearly 🙂

    Plus I work in a small office with a graduate from WVU and one from Marshall, so I know you guys are all right… And I’m hoping that WVU football coaches rock…


  4. 4 Paige
    May 12, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    I wouldn’t let anyone in Williamson speak for me, mine, or much of anything.

    I was thinking when I read your post that yeah, the media clearly went looking for this particular response–However, I had noticed while reading several articles regarding the WV primary on CNN and other sites over the weekend just how carefully they were dodging the race issue. Seemed like no one wanted to get near it…apparently this journalist decided to buck the trend.

  5. May 12, 2008 at 6:50 pm

    Yeah, a lot of people don’t wanna touch the race issue because they KNOW that Jethro doesn’t like the black man here. Gah. 😦 It’s gonna be ugly. And every national media outlet’s gonna have a field day with it.

    T-Dub: This West Virginian loves the black man! And Smith-Corona!

  6. May 12, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    > T-Dub: This West Virginian loves the black man! And Smith-Corona!

    You gotta prove it tomorrow at your workspace, GoDub, by shouting, “SHOW ME THE MONEYYY!!! I LOVE THE BLACK MAN!!!” Do that, and you can still be my agent 🙂 I’m just playing, I know Smith-Corona is your type…

    Mr. Selectric

  7. 7 lifeisacookie
    May 13, 2008 at 9:30 am

    Your post is spot on … it also reminded me of a story I saw last week on the LA times website that made me wonder if their reporter went out of his way to get the clipped quote below. He probably didn’t have to — as these idges seem to have a love affair with their own stupidity …


  8. May 13, 2008 at 9:39 am

    Your quote didn’t show up, but oh, you may mean this gem:

    “I’ve got 50-some guns, and I wasn’t crazy about Obama’s talk about small towns,” said Sam Vetter, 64, a farmer and lifelong Democrat who regrets voting for Bush in 2000. “Besides,” he added, “Obama just doesn’t sound right for an American president.”

    or this gem of a passage:

    Hand-lettered campaign signs promoting Democrats running for family-court judge and assessor cluster along Hardy County’s winding roads. There are only a few signs for either Obama or Clinton, but in one yard, a placard with a red slash on it mocks, “Osama, Obama and Chelsea’s Mama.”

    The sign belongs to Eric Hardy, 38, a former Democrat who works at a woodworking plant. Now a die-hard Republican and president of the West Virginia Coon Hunters Assn., Hardy opposes any Democrat “who wants to go after my guns.”

    Obama “takes the cake,” he said, “because of, you know, who he is.” He suspects Obama for his “Muslim name,” and comments by his former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr., rankle him. “He’s just a mistake any way you look at him,” Hardy said.

    God I hate these f-ing people.

  9. May 13, 2008 at 11:11 am

    “I’ve got 50-some guns”

    Is it me, or does that seem a lot for one person? I’m just saying…

    “Obama just doesn’t sound right for an American president.”

    … but O’Bama would probably be fine, so maybe Barack should pass himself off as Black Irish 🙂

    There are only a few signs for either Obama or Clinton, but in one yard, a placard with a red slash on it mocks, “Osama, Obama and Chelsea’s Mama.”

    Even as an Obama fan, I have to admit there’s a certain wit going on there 🙂

    Now a die-hard Republican and president of the West Virginia Coon Hunters Assn.,

    That can’t be real, can it? I think I need to see a Charter of Association before I believe there’s really a Wv Coon Hunters Association… But now I’m wondering which meaning of “coon” he’s going for; might be time to get Rev. Al on the case 🙂

    But the best quote of the article comes from Clyde See, the former speaker of the WV house:

    “There’s a lot of bigotry in the country, not just West Virginia.”

    Preach it, brother; I know Florida supposedly has more hate groups than any other state, so it’s not like we’re ones to talk…

    p.s. The Cookie is probably relieved that her old home state isn’t the one currently in the media spotlight 🙂

  10. 10 Joe
    May 13, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    I hate to say this, but these red-blooded Americans are in every state and some aren’t quite as transparent.



  11. 11 lifeisacookie
    May 13, 2008 at 3:47 pm

    Yeah – it was the one that ended with ‘he’s just a mistake any way you look at him’

    but, you know — it takes a lot of shit to get soil that fertile

  12. May 13, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    Joe, you’re right … they’re everywhere.

    Cookie — thanks for sending me that article! You’re right. I was floored, but not surprised, if that makes any sense.

  13. May 14, 2008 at 12:01 am

    Thanks for the link, Joe, it was very educational… But I notice the West Palm organization doesn’t mention the word “coon” in its title, which is probably how it escaped being burnt to the ground 🙂

    Cookie, no West Virginia tourist marketing gigs for you 🙂

  14. May 14, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    Sigh. Coon hunters.

    I heard a *real* original joke yesterday about Barack, Hillary, the Department of Wildlife, a coon and a beaver.

    You fill in the details.

    I tried to hang myself.

  15. 15 Carissa D.
    May 14, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    Oh. Sweet. Lord. I cringed every time I saw a spec of national news yesterday.

  16. 16 Billy
    January 31, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    You blaming ALL REDNECKS for one mans opinion, is like me blaming ALL BLACKS for the way every city in the U.S. looks – (Pretty Shitty) Why is it that 85% of black people live in urban, industrialized area’s that are filled with trash, more violence, and more crime than rural(country) area’s? Everyone has a right to thier opinion, and this is mine. I live in a rural area. I love waking up every morning at 5am to feed the chickens, pigs, and dogs. I love driving through my small town waving at everyone, and them waving back. I love being at work by 8am after my chores are through, and getting done work at 5pm. And I love coming home to a beautiful sunset over the pasture and trees in my yard. I also love driving my pickup truck, picking corn, tomatoes, mint, cucumbers, and peaches in my yard. I love taking care of my baby sister, and teaching her what i know. I love fishing with my granddad, and hunting with my best buddies. I love having a camp fire every night in the summer, kicking back in my town. I love going muddin’, fixing cars, and making an honest dollar. I love chewing tobacco.And I love being a Redneck!!! Charlie Daniels said, “What most people call a REDNECK, ain’t nothing but a working man. And he make his living by the sweat of his brow and the callases on his hands.”

    BUT A FEW THINGS ABOUT ME ARE… I dont smoke pot, grow pot, or sell pot. I dont wear my pants hanging of my ass. I always respect my elders, and believe in Jesus.


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