The essentials of the trade

The Auto Trading Desk

Above is what goes into the daily routine of trading autos.

First, you’ll see the oppressively large, towering One Stop cup of diet Mountain Dew. It’s already been filled with the supplementary one-liter bottle of diet Mountain Dew. And it’s not even 11 a.m.

The second item? Yeah. That’s a HEY-O hotel bell. It’s known around here as the “inappropriate bell.” At home, we use the one Brother Vegas left us when he came through town.

To the right of the cup is a Pez dispenser in the shape of a character from “Monsters Inc.” I bought it because I like Pez and it has one eye. Behind all of that is a Pittsburgh Pirates desk locker that was a gift from a person I don’t speak to anymore. I thought about throwing it away, but it’s been there so long I’m apathetic. Besides, it was part of the now-legendary “closet shopping birthday present.” On top of the locker is my battery-powered lava lamp and my Wheeling Nailers Santa bobblehead. To its right is a Publix water bottle filled with sand from the beach at Hilton Head Island sitting on top of a coffee cup someone got me that says “Princess.”

I’m not a princess. I don’t drink coffee.

You can see the desk phone, which I reluctantly answer when it rings. About 90 percent of the time it only serves to frustrate me (like this minute, when I’m on a call). That’s why just above the phone is a column that B wrote for his Web site back in February about us. In the right of the picture is my Mac. The second-happiest spot on the desk.

Various pens and markers that don’t work … a ketchup packet or two, some headphones, the top of Napoleon Dynamite’s head, headlines I’ve cut out of other Auto Traders. My “Free Truman” button. My Hershey’s Chocolate World box that’s empty of candy (we ate it yesterday).

I am a total slob.


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