find me a jolly fat man

Happy Hour — The Show That Never Ends is taking tonight off. Even though the Titans won and Jacque’s still got all of her teeth, we’re very busy around the studio getting prepped for the trip to West Virginia.

While we’re gone, you’ll have your chance to catch up. If the family gets to be too much, there will be a very special pre-recorded Happy Hour Christmas bonanza that will play while we’re gone. We’ll be back next Sunday night for our “It’s the End of the Year as We Know It (and B-Dub is probably pissed off)” special.

For those of you traveling, please be careful. We’re really thankful for the audience we’ve built over the last few months in our new setup and I know we’re really excited about what 2009 will bring. This show wouldn’t mean anything to us without you. If we were interested in hearing ourselves talk, we’d just set up a tape recorder at home and play it when we’re bored.

So, to all, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, have a rocking Kwaanza, Eid your heart out and enjoy the solstice. (I think we covered everybody … eeesh.)

life with my sister

A conversation through BlackBerry Messenger:

Ashlea: OK…so this A-HOLE that’s living in our old house is at it again.
Ashlea: He called almost crying that the gas leak wasn’t fixed. But Herb cannot get anyone up to fix it until tomorrow morning!!!!
Ashlea: There’s NO OTHER OPTION. So I told him to get out and get a hotel room and send the bill to me.
Ashlea: Siiiiigh.
Jacque: How does he know it isn’t working???
Ashlea: No…Herb couldn’t fix that part til tomorrow.
Ashlea: So he’s in total panic.
Jacque: Jesus.
Jacque: Was he a Pussy McVagina when you rented to him?
Ashlea: We didn’t know it at the time, but he’s got a bigger vag than Mrs. Duggar.
Jacque: Hahahahahahaha
Ashlea: Hahahahahahahahahaha
Ashlea: That may have been one of the best quotes of my life.
Ashlea: LOLOLOLOLOLOL
Ashlea: That was clutch.
Ashlea: Seriously. That’s gotta be put on something. Ur blog page maybe.

a d.c. rat

I think I’ve seen this rat in West Virginia. Today, the carpenter’s union paid a bunch of homeless people to parade around across the street in front of a building that presumably uses non-union labor. I’ve heard their drumming for six hours now. I always show up in the middle of the drum solo.

a small break

I thought I’d take a minute to throw a post on my sad, abandoned blog before I finished the second half of my day before starting on the first half of tomorrow and trying to get next week done early … Yes. All of that.

I’ve been so busy lately. I felt a little overwhelmed with it yesterday and this morning, in an e-mail to a friend, I said I was worried I was reaching the early stages of burnout. I just have to forge ahead. I’ll be up for air sometime after the Inauguration.

I’m busting my ass now so I can spend a few days at home with the family. I’m so happy to be going home for a few days. I need the break. I need the time out from DC. I love it here. I really, really love it here. But I think everybody needs an escape.

But for this afternoon, I’ve got two full seasons of “Kitchen Nightmares” on Fancast. Something about Gordon Ramsay dropping the F-bomb (bleeped out, of course) is soothing to me. I finished my column, so now it’s just editing. And lunch. I could really use some lunch.

Sadly, it seems I’ve got more time to post a link on Facebook than I do blog these days. I hope I can fix that soon, because I’d miss this. And Facebook just isn’t a suitable replacement.

But, what’s on your Christmas list this year? I’m delaying the end of my shopping (I’m even trying to go to the inaugural EagleBank Bowl to accomplish this!!) so I’m open to ideas.

up tonight: the rundown

Ah, kids, only 10 days remain until Christmas Eve. Shopping? What shopping? Well, you still have time to order things online, so why not do that AND listen to us at the same time tonight?

In no particular order, here’s what we’ll be tackling tonight’s edition of Happy Hour – The Show That Never Ends on Radio360Talk.com:

* So, we’re sorry your cable box blew up and set your house on fire, but we’re still going to need the $88 for it
* Think you could eat on $1 a day? These people did.
* Hey, let’s go to Google and plan our trip on the D.C. Metro … oh, wait.
* Here’s one black list we all can enjoy — movies that didn’t quite make the cut in 2008. And they say Hollywood has no original ideas!
* Attention Plaxico Burress: “The cat did it” IS a viable excuse
* So the KFC chicken cutlets took a bath in the sink. Wait till you hear what we did during our food service days.
* Stupid criminals, stupid humans, stupid news of the week
* Your calls … anything goes, just dial. It’s 956-790-8255.

We’ll see you at 8 p.m. tonight … we’ll likely have a giveaway or two, so make sure you’re tuned in. Our Big Ass Prize Box is spilling over and we need to make room for new inventory that makes its way here weekly. And, as always, you can hang out with other kids as cool as you in the chat room (click the link on the site. It’s that easy!) or send us a message through the little Chatterbox you see on the page.

Come on. Don’t be the last one that knows what time it is.

monday morning poll (only a week overdue …)

I attribute the high proportion of “Michigan” answers to my West Virginia fan base.

The new one came as a suggestion from the TypeWriter from a discussion in the chatroom last night while my show was going on. I’m curious how college football fans weigh in on this one.

up on the show tonight: holi-dazed

Here’s what to expect (well, maybe) for tonight’s show:

* Jacque got her first real tree, but it brings up the debate of real vs. fake. Much like boobs, everybody’s got a position on this one.

* OJ Simpson: It’s disappointing that the search for the real killer’s going to be on hold for about, oh, nine years or so.

* Jacque’s probably going to be out of a job soon … Seems every newspaper in the country is falling apart. Why? Should I kill a local blogger? Should I just start blogging more?

* Gift Giving in a recession, worst holiday gift ideas, gift ideas for men.

* Men are dying out. I can’t say that bothers me.

* As always, the ever popular weekly roundup!

Of course, we’re always ready for your calls. The number to join in is (956) 790-8255 or you can interact with us in the chat room (click!) or the little chatterbox on the page!

It all gets started at 8 p.m., so we hope to see you there.

Oh, and Dallas sucks.

merry christmas

My first tree!! (Photo powered by BlackBerry.)

At some point during our time at Tysons Corner tonight, I made the decision that we were NOT going home tonight without a tree. Period. End of story. And I didn’t care where we had to go to get the tree. I wanted Christmas. And despite the traffic reporter on WTOP telling people to stay inside unless it was necessary (please … you’d think a blizzard was blowing through) we forged ahead.

After a failed instinct that took me to Silver Spring of all places, we ended up in Wheaton at Target (which was another painful experience … two strikes and you’re OUT, Wheaton) where I scrounged through the aisles marked “Seasonal” and got a few boxes of ornaments, some garland and 450 lights. They weren’t imported Italian twinkle lights, but they’re good just the same. A stop at a Christmas tree lot later, we had what you see in the trunk … and dragged up four flights of stairs … sitting in the corner of the dining room.

So, for the next 19 days, I’ve got a little Christmas in the house. I’m really happy about that.

*tap tap tap* is this thing on?

To put this as succinctly as possible, I’ve had better weeks.

It started on Monday, which really should have just tipped me off. Any time you have a Monday that was as epic as mine was, it’s hard to imagine that things get much bette from there. (See previous post — giving it the appropriate gestation period before I unleash a full-length description of events, because it’s too good to keep bottled up forever.)

Tuesday wasn’t anything notable … just busy. Things really, truly went to hell in a handbasket on Wednesday and Thursday. Thursday included a trip to the AT&T store to replace my BlackBerry, which decided it didn’t need to have a functional “Alt” key anymore. If you’re a BlackBerry user, you know that the thing’s next to useless without the “Alt” key. Thanks, karma. On top of the Wednesday I had, that was greatly necessary.

I didn’t see any sort of upturn until Friday. Of any day this week, Friday — as uneventful and busy as it was — was a fantastic day. Friday was mostly spent doing A LOT of work for the Web (… sigh) and trying to get Monday stuff done quickly. It also included a trip to Largo to Outback. I needed some really good food. It was a good choice.

So, now, it’s Saturday afternoon and I realized I haven’t touched my blog all week. I’ve been on Facebook a couple of times a day, but that’s about it. Maybe I needed a break. Maybe I had more pressing issues to handle here at home than spend my night with the laptop in front of me. Maybe I just didn’t feel like I had anything to say.

Today’s been spent looking at apartments online (for May — I know it’s only December, but I don’t want to get screwed again because I had to make the decision quickly) and watching shows like “Domenick Dunne’s Justice” and “Extreme Forensics” and “Most Evil.” Maybe I should worry why I spend my weekends watching shows about killing people. (Note to self: Find therapist. Note to readers: I just changed it to Animal Planet to watch “Fat Pets” because something’s inherently funny about a 202-pound Rottweiler.)

I’ve decided that at some point today, I’m venturing out to buy a Christmas tree and some other necessary decorations. My last Christmas — despite my family’s best efforts — just sucked. It sucked because I was less than 30 days from a divorce and I was in an apartment all by myself trying to figure out what to do next. Nothing could have really made Christmas OK for me last year. I’m determined not to repeat the mistake. I won’t come home for the next 19 days looking around and not feeling like it’s Christmas. I don’t want the next 19 days to feel like any other one.

I had a noble goal of cutting down my own tree, but I’m not sure I’m going that route. I think there’s a Christmas tree lot just down the road next to Home Depot, so I’m going to go there because I KNOW inside the Home Depot, I can get things like ornaments and lights and other assorted holiday crap.

(Random sidenote: It’s really sad that Max, the 202-pound Rottweiler can’t really carry his own weight, but it’s hilarious when you hear the phrase ‘Max will need back wheels.’)

As far as I know, there’s going to be a show tomorrow. I’ve not even had a lot of love for it lately, which is depressing. It’s not been something I’ve been excited about. More something that’s like “meh, I should do it.” I’m hopeful today in the holiday prep, the spirit of some kind will find its way to me and I’ll be excited. Especially since I know there are some of you out there who really do like it.

So, that’s about it. Otherwise, all’s well, or as well as it can be.

(Random sidenote: I’m pretty sure they’re giving this dog a gastric bypass, and they just showed a cat that weighs 23 pounds. Fat cats are hilarious.)

in a nutshell

I would try to blog about what happened to me at work yesterday, but I don’t even think the written word could do it justice. I also don’t want the person involved to stumble upon it (I have a feeling he’s a vengeful, Googley-type) and find some reason to drag me through any more. But let’s just say that my skills as a “people manager” were tested beyond all conceivable limits. I’ve never, in my 10 years in this business, experienced anything like yesterday. I’ve also never, in my 10 years in this business, had a grown man scream like a little girl to keep his freelance job after committing one of the most egregious ethical violations I’d ever heard.

But by the time I left yesterday (now extremely behind thanks to losing an ENTIRE day dealing with this nuclear fallout) I was spent. Just sort of spaced out. I couldn’t even read on the train on the way home. I didn’t have the energy. For some reason, between Columbia Heights and Georgia Avenue-Petworth, I had a vivid flash of Lloyd Bridges saying, “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”

This was definitely the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.